She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
