david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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