Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
