i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
