I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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