even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
