I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
FUCK WHALES
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
