guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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