I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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