Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
