my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
