She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
FUCK WHALES
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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