i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
