hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's always time for handjobs
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
