I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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