Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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