Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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