I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
