if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
