Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The power of my boobs compel you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
