tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
