I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
