Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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