you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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