i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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