I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
