i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
