I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
