I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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