haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
