Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
