i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He felt like a one man threesome
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
