I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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