tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
