she was so not down for the gang bang
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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