i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
