I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
