worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
