Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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