so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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