The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
