How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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