Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
