I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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