Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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