New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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