wanna go halves on a baby?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
