we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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