I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
