You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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