My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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