I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
