We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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